Im a nagger

Unfortunately lol. Man I'm always bitching at my boyfriend about something. I need to stop.

On a lighter note it's December 31st and I'm excited cuz it's gona be a crazy ass night!! I miss my parent and the baby though :(.
I messed up my vegetarianism :(

I love food too much and when I make more money I buy more organic stuff. I l on the other hand be more conscious of what I put into my body.

Whatever

Well he didn't end up having enough for rent and suddenly he's like trying to get free lance work. Maybe I should of done this a long time ago. I get too motherly and he should be able to figure shit out on his own. Another thing is he's here trying todo the free lance thing and in my head I'm about to bitch him out to hurry up. Guys are retarded, if I start hurrying him up he'll think I don't want him to do that and he'll get mixed messages. So i began to write here lol. By the way I wanted him to hurry up because we're going to a Friends house and have 2 other things we have do before we get there.

Aside from that I'm trying to become vegetarian and haven't ate meat in two days. Honestly I haven't been eating healthy. Mainly pasta and today I ate a veggie pizza (loaded with grease) from my job. I have this huge headache, I feel it's from like suddenly stripping myself of protein lol. Ugh I drank a Motrin after hours of having the headache because I thought it might go away on its own. I'm starting to think this vegetarian shit isn't for me... I love food!!!

Ughhh

Like I knew it would happen he got paid super low and there most likely is not going to be enough for rent. He told me he would talk to his boss. I'm writing this because I don't want to say a word. I'm going to trust he will get the money. I'm not going to say I can help because I've already done enough.
He needs to learn to push in life because he has nobody.
I'm so happy I did this blog yesterday I was so happy lol.

Woo anyway he'll do what he has to do cuz he's my man :)

2012 Goals

This year my goals are to finish school and be healthy!!!
I have to start off by seeing my school counselor which i plan on doing so sometime next week. Check is Counselors are available !!
On being healthy in planning on becoming a full on vegan. I'll start off by not eating meat. That I have already tried ( I ate taco bell yday and asked for no beef and the fuckers gave me beef) I ate it anyway I was hungry but I felt really bad about it.

Anyway 2012 is a whole new me.

oh yea!! And I need a new job... But when the F? I'm thinking of doing the whole Year of experience at Applebee's until march but? I have no idea . Actually on the inside I really want to leave and work somewhere note worthy but I have to get off my lazy ass and do it.

Okay I just checked when school starts (January 9th) so on MONDAY I'm starting interviews!!! I will wake up no later than 9 and go down coral way looking for restaurant jobs. Oh and don't forget Moes!!!

NO EXCUSES

❤❤
Me

the extraction

Yeah it was definitely time. Time for me to express everything somehow and right now I thought a blog would be best. I don't know what blogs are used for now a days but I'm using it to just let go. Hopefully all my releasing of shit I have in my mind will turn into something creative but that will be another blog. This one I think will be particularly boring. All I will do is express my everyday shit that is driving me INSANE. I'm 22 and I feel like my life is one big mess. I find it hard to find motivation to do ANYTHING. I get by with some things but most of the time its me laying down wishing I did more. This past weekend I spent it out of town in a poor country. No cellphone, walking to get to places and having people constantly around me. It was so relaxing and I've been there before and have grown to hate it. But its a sanctuary. I go there and its as if going into almost complete meditation mode. Then when I come back it like this surge of trials tribulations and bullshit that isn't suppose to be significant but somehow takes over my life. My every day problems. Is my partner going to have enough for the rent, I don't have any money to have want I want and to be happy. As soon as I got here I was calculating if we would have ENOUGH. I dwell on small stupid shit like cleaning the car. Seriously now that I'm writing this who the fuck should care. Although having a mess does frustrate me. Sometimes I wonder if I pull shit out of my ass then later suffer the consequences. I constantly (in my mind) dream of moving far away. Maybe living somewhere else will make me happier. But who knows? Maybe I should try. But then it would mean leaving my childhood comforts. My bestfriend, my sister, my niece. My parents are hardly ever here and I'm happy they are happy and just wish to know how they are doing. Maybe I should get away like they did. I feel like staying around will only make my life one big STRESS. Well I constantly fight with my boyfriend about stupid small shit when in reality he's pretty amazing. He pays most of the rent, when i left town he cleaned the house and set it up to have a very romantic time. For some reason I'm like this maniac who expects more from him when deep down I know he's doing more than enough. We share my car and I probably put gas like once a month. He doesn't clean it but he's a guy i guess. Well I'm going to finish with todays rants. Trust I will be back for more!! Soon. LQL. (Laughing Quite Loudly)