the extraction

Yeah it was definitely time. Time for me to express everything somehow and right now I thought a blog would be best. I don't know what blogs are used for now a days but I'm using it to just let go. Hopefully all my releasing of shit I have in my mind will turn into something creative but that will be another blog. This one I think will be particularly boring. All I will do is express my everyday shit that is driving me INSANE. I'm 22 and I feel like my life is one big mess. I find it hard to find motivation to do ANYTHING. I get by with some things but most of the time its me laying down wishing I did more. This past weekend I spent it out of town in a poor country. No cellphone, walking to get to places and having people constantly around me. It was so relaxing and I've been there before and have grown to hate it. But its a sanctuary. I go there and its as if going into almost complete meditation mode. Then when I come back it like this surge of trials tribulations and bullshit that isn't suppose to be significant but somehow takes over my life. My every day problems. Is my partner going to have enough for the rent, I don't have any money to have want I want and to be happy. As soon as I got here I was calculating if we would have ENOUGH. I dwell on small stupid shit like cleaning the car. Seriously now that I'm writing this who the fuck should care. Although having a mess does frustrate me. Sometimes I wonder if I pull shit out of my ass then later suffer the consequences. I constantly (in my mind) dream of moving far away. Maybe living somewhere else will make me happier. But who knows? Maybe I should try. But then it would mean leaving my childhood comforts. My bestfriend, my sister, my niece. My parents are hardly ever here and I'm happy they are happy and just wish to know how they are doing. Maybe I should get away like they did. I feel like staying around will only make my life one big STRESS. Well I constantly fight with my boyfriend about stupid small shit when in reality he's pretty amazing. He pays most of the rent, when i left town he cleaned the house and set it up to have a very romantic time. For some reason I'm like this maniac who expects more from him when deep down I know he's doing more than enough. We share my car and I probably put gas like once a month. He doesn't clean it but he's a guy i guess. Well I'm going to finish with todays rants. Trust I will be back for more!! Soon. LQL. (Laughing Quite Loudly)